Self Control. How could any red-blooded man control himself? I mean, it’s not like Holly Petraeus had given the General 38 years in marriage, two children and a lifetime of support as they moved around the globe and he was deployed many times over. They were an incredible team that devoted their lives to this country and the members of the Army they both served with and for. What’s that compared to 13% body fat and an attitude of adoration?
Choices. While there may be some problems in a marriage, make no mistake, the choice to commit adultery lies solely with the betrayer. The betrayed partner has ownership and responsibility in what the marriage looks like but owns none of the decision to step outside it. But what does that partner owe the marriage?
Appearances Matter. One of the first things that attracts us to someone is what they look like. The person doesn’t necessarily have to be a 10, but there does have to be something that catches our eye. In addition, in the early days of a relationship, both people put their best foot forward. You shower, shave, do your makeup, get your nails and hair done. You put on your most flattering outfit and your happiest face. You can’t do anything about what your genetics have given you, but you can (and do) make your best effort.
Unfortunately, as the years pass, the effort to look good gets harder. Normal aging, effects of child birth, impact of stress and illness, all conspire against us. But you can make the attempt to look your best at any age and it’s important to your relationship that you do. Don’t make the mistake in thinking that it no longer matters. If you’re honest, I’m sure there have been times you’ve had judgmental thoughts about how a stranger looks. Maybe it’s been an outfit you find strange, a haircut, beard, their nail polish, whatever. It influences how and what you think about them. Your partner may be looking at you the same way.
Men are visual. Men, more so than women, are visual creatures. But we all are influenced by what we think is attractive. Even the most committed partner can appreciate an attractive person. As my husband and I say, “we’re married, we’re not dead”. This is why it’s important for your partner to still find you physically attractive. You don’t have to go all out like you would for a first date, but it is very easy to get complacent and not make any effort at all. Wearing old, ratty sweats and not taking care of yourself physically may be comfortable, but it is disrespectful to your relationship. It also may put it at risk.
Your partner is always responsible for their choices. As are you. Don’t you want to do everything you can to make sure you chose each other?
How about you? Have you seen the importance of appearances in your marriage? Comment below with your thoughts.
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